Bright Eyes - Bowl Of Oranges
Irrational

Friday. Went to the airport to see sister off. She’s gone to the States on vacation. Hyperventilated in a bathroom stall. Recovered feebly and rejoined public. Dreadful car ride back home in company of Mother Dearest. Silent tension in car almost tangible. Anxiety attack part two. Utilised wind in face and fake sleeping tactic to hide tears of betrayal. Home. No mention or further reference to event.

This weekend has been relatively good, considering. Saturday was uneventful, as far as my memory serves, but Sunday and today made up for it. Sunday morning, I went out with Mum and some cousins and aunties to the very local and uncreative Pancakes cafe at Bankstown. I had a vegetarian focaccia. It was alright. Not the most flavoursome consumption in the world. But anyway, there was pleasant conversation and all that then we went home. We had tea, dropped an aunt home and headed to Spotlight to acquire some hat making materials. And wool. For beanie knitting. For Mo and Omes. And also another for myself.

Afterward, Mum dropped me off at Parramatta, where I met Krystal and Rose-Anne for a long awaited reunion over sushi and laughter about nothing in particular. After that, I briefly dashed in to Dymocks to pre-order my copy of Breaking Dawn (final book in the Twilight series) just before they closed, then Rose drove Krystal and I back to my house. She departed with a signature Rose-Anne-style extended beep of the horn accompanied by an exaggerated lean over the passenger’s seat and a one-handed waveless wave. God bless her.

Then, Krystal and I planted our butts on the couch with Mum and watched television while I got stuck into a new beanie with the wool I’d bought earlier. Also, Krystal had bought Resistance to play but we didn’t get a chance to do so on account of our decision to watch The Graduate instead, since Mum went off to Zaynab’s for the night and Mo also went out somewhere.

Terrific film! That Mrs Robinson is such a fox. It just makes you wish you were her and seduce some awkward young man. And Benjamin. Dustin Hoffman’s performance was brilliant! He did the reserved and inexperienced dorky shy guy part really well!

But anyway, after watching the film, it was still relatively early, so Krystal decided to read Twilight while I continued to knit. She read aloud for a long time and then I took over. At around 3am, we decided it was bed time, so we went to sleep. I was startled out of a deep sleep twice. Once at half past eight in the morning by the postman, who had a package for my brother, and a second time at half past midday by a phone call from my mother, and a completely useless one at that. After a few minutes of easing out of my disorientation, I realised Krystal was already awake and had been reading while she waited for me to join the living. So we went downstairs where I made the usual Krystal-is-over breakfast - pancakes. Krystal read aloud some more while I worked. We ate, then she read more and I knitted more. Later, Mo came back from work and Krystal got picked up.

Mo and I watched the Spider-Man 3 bluray that had arrived in the morning. It wasn’t as bad as I remember. At least, I wasn’t as appalled at the end of it as I was when I saw it in the cinema. Now it’s officially four in the morning. Tuesday morning. I’m hungry and I’m going to bed now. Good night.

The Vaine - (Bee)n Stalking Jaque
Eager

Lots and nothing has happened and is currently pending. I’m gonna try to keep this brief. Lots to do, not lots of time to do it in. So here goes.

So firstly, I went to The Vaine’s album launch on Sunday, which was fantastic. People stared lots at first, but then there were more interesting things to look at after a while, like the bands, or maybe I just started ignoring them. Anyway, I bought their CD - It’s A Disease - which I’m currently listening to. Fan-bloody-tastic! And the show was really excellent too.

But moving on! I’ve been reading a crap load. If I’m not sleeping or at work, I’m reading. Which explains my absence from the internet. And also because Chris revoked my internet license. But I’m earning it back as I write. Is this what parole is? Well anyway, I bought a dress mannequin off ebay the other day and a pretty dress, both of which I will take pictures of and show you when the latter arrives. I’m acquiring a new addiction to ebay I think.

Actually, I’ve also been knitting and sewing. I finished knitting that beanie mentioned last blog about a week ago and started another scarf with this cool sort of unevenly thick wool. The beanie turned out quite nicely too. I’ll take a picture of that later with the rest of things I have to show you. Expect lots of pictures next blog. Maybe. Anyway, I altered this $20 pair of pants my sister bought the other day and bought another pair yesterday to alter the same because the only pants you can buy in that style are a minimum of $80 and abnormally tight in places that we’d prefer not to be on display. This was my first piece of clothing to alter successfully and I must say that I’m rather proud of myself for the way it turned out. I’m excited to get stuck in to the second pair. I also bought this pair of old man pants from this random shop near work, with the coolest fabric. It’s going to be a big job, but I’m gonna rework the whole thing to make it fit for my sister. I love having somebody to experiment on. 

On another note, there are a few events coming up, which require some work on my part. The previously mentioned second pair of pants I bought yesterday need to be altered before Priscilla’s 21st, as my sister will be wearing it to the party. There’s also Victoria’s (a friend of Fatty) 21st coming up, which I’ve been cordially invited to, and it’s a Disney themed party. So I’ll be making a costume for my sister and a costume for myself. Seeing as it’s hard to stay true to most Disney characters with the addition of a scarf - and no we can’t wear wigs because that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it - we must choose characters a scarf can be incorporated into. Fatty chose the perfect one for herself. Evil Queen from Snow White. The costume’s gonna be so much fun to make!  And I’m prodding at the idea of being Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas, seeing as I could wear a white scarf, paint my face white with black eyes and a skeletal mouth. Only problem is that it’s a little bit complex given the time at hand. I’m willing to give it a go, though I’ll need to go fabric shopping to inspect costs involved and stuff first. Does anyone have any other ideas? It doesn’t have to be animated Disney. Could be anything at all that’s Disney. Aaaanything. And no Chris, I will not be a prop that appears once in the background during a song in an animated Disney film, thank you very much. Think hard people. Give me something good!

Other things. Tomorrow I’m going to Supanova with Jenny, as far as I’m aware at this point, and unfortunately, I missed the chance to go to a convention in costume again. Never mind though, I still plan on making that Katara (from The Avatar) costume soon. Anyway, apparently Dean from Gilmore Girls slash Sam from Supernatural is going to be at the convention. Jenny’s thoroughly thrilled about that. I am too, secretly. If I can manage it, I’ll take a picture with him and poke fun at my mum for not having been in my place.

More on what needs to be done. I still haven’t finished Krystal’s present Part Two, but I finally got the remaining materials for it the other week, so I should get to that promptly. Also, my cousin Omar came over the other day and saw me knitting and has requested a beanie, which I must buy some wool and get to making before the end of winter preferably. I think I’ll probably make one for my brother too.

Okay, so it seems this attempt at a brief blog was a miserable failure, which I’m not sorry about. I haven’t been excited about anything in very long. I tell you, my mood has picked up enormously since I started reading the Twilight series. I’m on book three - Eclipse - at the moment, which I’m about halfway through. After I’m done, I’ll have to quickly dive right into another exciting novel before my sedated state of pseudo happiness plummets to its tragic death and reality kicks in.

That’s all for now. I have to go do my sister’s makeup now. She’s going to a wedding. Good day! 

(How much do you love the pun in the title!)

The Hush Sound - We Intertwined
Content

Guess who. Just bought. A National Geographic subscription! That’s right folks, a bunch of old people on various places on the planet. But so did I! And guess who finally started reading Twilight. Right you are again. A stack of strangers neither of us know! And also me! Back to that in a moment though.

So last night, Mum, Fatty and I went to my cousin’s place for the evening and we played Taboo and laughed till our lungs hurt. Today, we all met up again for lunch at a Lebanese restaurant (because they like to live life on the edge) and we ate to our hearts’ content and laughed till we cried over an ongoing new joke language we decided would be called Arabish - a combination of Arabic and English. I suppose it’s one of those things where you had to be there.

After everybody parted ways to get back to doing nothing in particular on a Saturday night, I told Mum I wanted to go to Mariam’s Grandma’s place so she could teach me how to read knitting patterns and I’d finally be able to start the beanie I bought wool for on Monday. As it turned out, Mariam’s cousins were over also, whom I don’t see very often but enjoy the company of, so the evening was spent with a routine advisory board of parents (not mine) suggesting possible career paths, in light of the fact that I am currently not doing anything of significance and that they had another kid-who-doesn’t-know-what-they-want on their hands. You’d think all of this would have annoyed me to an extreme degree, but it was encouraging and rather endearing. They’re a terribly charming family in all honesty.

But anyway, the conversation was good, I expressed my wanderlust, they concurred, that kind of thing. Then I started with the knitting and they started with watching the soccer and I was messing up but it was okay because Mariam’s Grandma fixed it and I learned a new stitch but I’m a real n00b at it so I didn’t get much done. I didn’t get to do a helmet beanie either, because the pattern we found on the internet required thicker wool, which I didn’t have, so I’m starting off with a very basic beanie and then when it’s done, I’ll do the helmet beanie I wanted.

So I’m at home now. And how frozen are my extremities right now? Very. So Twilight. I started reading it last night and got about three chapters in. So far it’s not boring but the standard of writing I expected from all the hype it’s gotten is much lower. I mean, I expected an older target market style of writing, but it seems to be more directed at a teen audience. I will give it a chance though, I am only three chapters in after all.

That’s about it for now. Good night.

The Hush Sound - Sweet Tangerine
Miserable

I’m so miserable. I’m bored and just miserable. I hate you. You all suck and I’m bored and life sucks and everybody sucks. I hate you all. I don’t hate you all but I’m sick of you. And I still hate you. I hate you.

So I think I can’t possibly hate people any more than I do and then comes Tony Stark, another perfect fictional man, and I’m reminded that real life sucks and real people suck and real men suck and I wish they didn’t and I hate them and girls suck more and I hate them too and everybody’s a Goddamn useless cog in the stupid ass people machine.

I’m tired. I’m bored. I’m tired of being bored. Bored of being tired. Somebody save me! … Iron Man?

Everybody comes to me with their dramas. I listen. I say what I think. Nobody asks with sincerity if I’m okay. And then they don’t listen anyway. People suck. Everybody’s so self-involved, always ambushing me with something they need to get off their chest, something they need to say or talk about. And .. excuse me while I go and shovel some poo.

Anyway, does nobody understand the detrimental situation I’m in? Boredom makes me stupid. It makes me irrational. It makes me do stupid things. The last time I was this bored, I decided I would have a crush on a boy in my math class because he had nice hair, which incidentally went on for a ridiculous six months or so and the whole ordeal ended in an awkward, self-loathing, sick-to-the-stomach, why-did-I-like-him-again degree of buyer’s remorse that I’d like to think it never even happened and I don’t ever want to fall into such a self appointed trap again.

I know my life doesn’t suck. I know there are plenty of worse off people than me. And it’s not that I’m ungrateful. I’m just unhappy.

Coheed and Cambria - Feathers
Not on my best game

To start with, I take it back. I was mean and judgmental. I take almost all of it back. As it turned out, the girls I worked with at the Easter Show, I started growing rather fond of by the end. In fact, it all got very nostalgic towards the end of the Show. It’s too far gone now for me to really want to get into the pointless detail of things now, but I’ll leave it at everybody exchanged numbers and emails and reluctantly parted ways pretty much forever.

I feel like I’m not really in much of a mood to be writing at the moment but I also feel obligated to on account of not having posted anything for so long. So. To recent events. Chronologically. I met this terrificly interesting man at the bus stop on the way home from work the other week. He told me about all of his travels and adventures. He was such a character. Straight out of my book! That’s right! I’m writing him in somewhere. I haven’t actually started writing this “book” yet but that’s just because I’m still mulling it over in my head. I am determined to write it though. I really am. One day I’ll go away for a while and come back with a manuscript.

I’m also trying to tell less. Telling less means writing more. And that way, events in the book can be anonymously fictional or non-fictional. And nobody will ever know. Anyway, also while the Easter Show was on, Mo and I decided to go see Coheed and Cambria. It was epic! I’ve never witnessed such awesomely enormous hair in my life.

And despite not having really known any of their newer songs, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. Really really very good. And their song Feathers! I mentally noted and remembered it from the live performance, the one time I’d ever heard it. In my books, that’s the mark of brilliant music.

Also, I got a long awaited haircut the other week. I hated it at first coz it wasn’t at all what I asked for, but I don’t care any more. It’ll grow and I’ll be the only one cutting my own damn hair from now on. Stupid incompetent been-doing-this-for-six-years people armed with scissors.

On another note, Australian TV producers have alas discovered the magic of camera trolleys! And film filters! Hallelujah! There’s this new Australian drama which premiered last week called Canal Road and I must say, I’m pretty impressed with the production. The camera work is decent and coherent, very much unlike the Blue Heelers camera-on-the-shoulders style of shooting. The script is also pretty good - dialogue and plot. The actors are fresh and fairly talented. And it’s nicely well-rounded and edited and everything. Good show. I reckon I might continue to watch it.

Anyway I think I’m out of things to tell so I’m off. And I’m going shopping tomorrow because I haven’t bought any new clothes since I got a damn job. I need new shoes. Hopefully I’ll find a good pair tomorrow. And also that shockingly beautiful pair of heels from Wittner. They’re MINE! More on this later. Ta ta for now!

EDIT:
I forgot to show you guys the build-a-bear teddy I got made with Gareth’s unused employee incentive voucher from the Easter Show. I’m not much of a stuffed toy collector but I quite like it. Look!

Bright Eyes - Lover I Don’t Have To Love
Overworked and Overtaxed

You know how there’s an ugly stick? Well apparently there’s also an irony stick. And I’ve been battered with it. Repeatedly. In fact, there’s so much irony happening left, right and center that if I told you about it all, nothing would be ironic any more. Much like the “If everybody’s a freak then nobody’s a freak” theory. I will tell you about one ironic incident though. See. I was rostered to work at the Easter Show for the duration of it but three days. The first day off was also the first day of the Show which, incidentally, I got called into work at Williams on. Second day off, I’m rostered at Williams. Exhibit A. Third day off, as recently discovered, I’m rostered on at Williams. Not only then, but also on the day following the end of the Easter Show. So now, after having to wait for my third day off from the Show to have a break from working, which was already long enough, I have to wait till a day after the end of the Show to get some real sleep. I feel like I’m rambling and nobody really cares about the nitty gritty details of my sick, sad, rostered life anyway. The point is, there was an unemployment drought and now there’s a Goddamn employment flash flood. For which I am eternally grateful of course.

I may as well tell you about the people with whom I’ve been spending most of the hours of my waking life since Friday. While I’m here and all. Most of the girls, as anyone who knows me would expect, annoy the hell out of me. They’re just real phony. You have the one that’s excessively touchy-feely with everybody, with an especially saccharine quality about her. That overcompensating insecure type that you kind of feel sorry for. Then there’s the girl who’s oblivious to ethnicity and probably earnestly believes she’s above all of us strange looking foreign people deep down inside. I’ll bet she thinks I’m suppressed and she’s very liberated too. There’s also that trendy carbon copy girl who you know just gets by on her flirtatious manner and little girl “charm” because she still hasn’t discovered there may be more to her than just a fit physique and a pretty face, which by my standards, doesn’t even qualify as such. On the other hand, there are a few nice girls, one of whom, it turns out I’d attended year seven with. She’s a twin and she really is lovely. She’s an identical twin but her sister is on a different stand and I can sort of tell them apart so there’s no real confusion there. Any other girl on my stand, I don’t feel any like or dislike towards in particular. They can just be neutral. Oh and the supervisor we had for the first few days was lovely. She had to go back to her real job though so we have a replacement supervisor for the rest of the Show.

He’s particularly nice. He’s got one of those really friendly faces and a terrificly teethy PR smile. Reminds me a lot of Tim from TAFE. He’s not so much an extrovert as he is just really talkative and genuinely interested in what you have to say. I’m not actively talkative with people I don’t know, but I like conversing with talkative people. Not the phony types though. Once they start to get phony then they just qualify as extroverts and I don’t like that. But this one’s an interesting fellow. He knows how to hold a conversation with a perfect stranger. That’s something I’ll probably never be able to do, which is why I enjoy conversations with those who can manage it. There’s also that first guy that I met, whom I noticed from the very beginning because he was just so incredibly ordinary looking. Boring even. But then we started talking and he was interesting. Then there were plenty of moments where neither of us had anything to say and it was sort of awkward and every time he came to say something, he had a hell of a cute little awkward smirk. I don’t know if it was just me being a total dork but he made me terrificly nervous. Anyway, there’s also this Bankstown boy from, as it happens, Bankstown, who’s such a high school kid. He’s amusing I suppose, but in conjunction with being a general pain in the butt. I’m pretty sure I’ve had enough of high school kids in general. I’d had just about enough of high school kids long before I even graduated. There’s also the stock boy, who’s kinda really hot, in a dirty, seedy sort of way. He’s got shabby jaw-length wavy brown hair, an untidy goatee, and terrificly blue eyes that go green at the center. He’s a bit short for my liking though he’s fairly nice. But I’m sure he’d just be too cool if we all didn’t happen to be acquainted through work. And too cool is not cool.

Anyhow, I need to get to sleep since I have a work marathon to get back to tomorrow morning. Good night.

Jonas Brothers - Goodnight and Goodbye
Sarcastic and Verbose

Not to be unpatriotic or .. that I remotely care about patriotism, but there’s nothing worse than an Australian drama. I mean they’ve done well with Home and Away and Neighbours with their record seasons running but they’re just soapies. A few cases of adultery, accidental pregnancies, fantastical tragedies and you have yourself a successful soap. Not much to it. But real dramas like - well just about everything else - those are just terrificly horrible productions. To start with, there is a reasonable range between which sex actually sells. It’s one extreme or the other with these productions. You show too much skin, your production is a tacky two dollar hooker looking to make some easy money. You cast a bunch of ugly old people, nobody wants to watch your goddamn show anyway. In either case, your show stinks. So what you need to do is find the median and stick to it. Also, maybe they should just scrap the idea of ever finding new talents because of course, recycling actors reduces greenhouse gases and we all love to see the same four people in ten different productions playing horribly developed characters anyway. I almost feel the exact same way about the Australian music industry but I’ll save that rant for another day.

So I started work about two weeks ago. I don’t hate it, which is more than I could have asked for. I don’t particularly like it either though because well, I’m essentially acting for the duration of my time there, what with the friendly customer service and smiles, though it’ll probably grow on me as soon as I become entirely fluent with the processes and details of running the shop, since my deep running fear of screwing up things makes me reluctant to try new things, which ultimately gives me anxiety when I do try new things, which makes me hate new things. At least until I get the hang of them.

On another note, I’ll be working at the Easter Show this year. I’m rostered on for almost the entire two weeks. All but three days, one of which I’m rostered at my regular work. So as of tomorrow, my work marathon will officially commence and let’s hope I don’t screw anything up.

What else have you been doing? I hear you ask. Almost nothing at all. In fact, apart from that one day at work I had earlier this week, I’ve been consuming my waking hours with episodes of Friends. Right from the beginning. I’m currently at season four and I’ve grown newly rather fond of the show and the characters. Chandler in particular. It’s probably because everyone is most like a Friend and I’m Chandler. I like Chandler. Or I want to be Chandler. See, that line’s always been blurry to me. Admiration versus imitation .. versus narcissism. Am I that self involved? Well in my defense, at least I can admit I’m generally drawn to people like me and occasionally I like them quite a bit. And like Jerry Seinfeld said once, “All my life, I’ve been waiting for me to sweep me off my feet!” I couldn’t agree with anything more. Anyway though, Chandler’s my favourite. He’s all sarcastic and funny and pretty damn weird too. He never misses a beat. I love that.

I’m sure I had more to write about but now I just can’t remember. Oh that’s right. I had a dream the other morning. You see, I only ever remember the dreams I have in the morning when I’m sleeping in. And anyway, the previous night, I’d been watching Friends right before bed. And so of course, they were all in my dream, although Chandler was the main focus of it. I’d been acquainted with him somehow through a friend or something, and I found him so interesting and I kept wanting to talk to him but because he was Chandler (and unusually popular as such), he was too busy mingling with other people. So I finally gave up on conversing with him and went and sat with a friend, whom I don’t remember the identity of now, but this particular friend introduced me to a completely mysterious and never before seen guy who was also her friend who, incidentally, I found dashingly handsome. The weird part is that I saw his face in my dream and I remember finding him very attractive and I spoke to him and he was nice and we laughed but I’ve never seen him in my life! How did I just invent a face in my mind? It’s not like I saw it in my dream and now I can’t remember it at all. I actually remember his face. I don’t know who he is. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen or met him. But I guess he could be just a collaboration of several real life faces I know. Then again, I remember thinking he was good looking, but not my type at all and in fact, I felt a little bit of reluctance to admit to myself that I found him remotely attractive. Curious, no?

Anyhow, moving right along. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this at all in any of my previous entries but I’d really like to write a novel. I also want to write and illustrate a children’s book, but I’d really like to start writing a novel first. I had this epiphany several days ago and so I Googled a how-to on it. I read a few different pages with steps or pointers but this page stood out most of all. It made me laugh really because I agreed almost entirely with the content, which is a great comfort because now I’m not so worried about not having any writing knowledge or experience whatsoever. I love the Blue Rule. It’s deliciously English. The Blue Rule is the basic principle of my life. I’m sure someone’s noticed my slowness to get to the point. All the time. Anyway, I’ve got no idea what I wanna write this book about or where I’d start. I’m thinking maybe I’ll just write a book about nothing, on everything. Like the content of my mind when I zone out during a conversation or for the general duration of my existence. Yeah. I could fill a load of books with the things that go on inside my head. I doubt there’d be any more than one person on the face of the planet without a gun to their head who’d volunteer to read any of my books. But I digress. And indeed I do. I plan on going ahead and having a stab at this novel writing business anyway.

For now though, I must bid thee farewell. At risk of sounding like one of those obnoxiously self-important people who “have work tomorrow”, I have work tomorrow. Good night.

Jonas Brothers - Hold On
Hot

Can I just say - for the umpteenth time, but officially now - I have never been so completely infatuated by anybody in the history of the universe like I am by Hugh Laurie/House. As far as celebrity crushes go (and regular people ones for that matter), Hugh Laurie has exponentially surpassed the fascination factor of the only previous celebrity crush I’ve ever had, that being the infamous Tom Delonge. It’s gotten to the point where I’m having dreams about him every other night. And I don’t have dreams. I’m not a dreamer! It’s so surreal. I’m living vicariously through my subconscious, only to wake up to a much more grim outlook on life and love. I guess that makes me a dreamer though, doesn’t it.

On a side note, I’m sort of newly obsessed with the Jonas Brothers, so I got their album. I especially love Hold On because it was one of the first songs of theirs that I heard and I liked it as soon as I heard it. I’m pretty sure there’s an underlying factor that has contributed to my liking of JB, which I’ve just had a good laugh about. It seems I like ‘em much older or much younger. Exhibit A. I like the middle one! Haha. He’s like 16. LOL

Here’s a conversation that’s just occurred on msn between my cousin and I after she noticed what I was listening to:

Me: i have a massive crush on the young one! xD
Nadia: nick !
Me: yeah
Nadia: noo… joe is the good looking one
Me: yeahhh but nick has a better voice
Me: and he’s just cuter
Nadia: umm… i dunno his voice doesn’t sound developed yet
Me: LOL. i know. i love it.

I laughed because that’s precisely the quality in his voice that makes me like it. I’m the epitome of that teacher that hooks up with her very hot, much younger student.

Anyway, suspiciously enough, I’m home alone. My mum finished work at 3pm and it’s now 8pm, and I have no idea where she is. I know Mo is at work and so is Fatty, but nobody said anything about Mum going anywhere after work. Why don’t you just call her? You ask. Well because I have no credit on my phone and the land line doesn’t make calls to mobiles. I should probably be worried or something .. but I’m not. Which brings me to the other conclusion I’ve come to know, and that is I will make a terrificly terrible parent. So I think I’ll just steer clear of procreation and the like.

Seeing as nobody is here to have initiated dinner, I should probably go make myself something before it’s too late to eat. So good night ladies and gentlemen. Good night.

The Audition - What Gets You Through The Night
Pensive

Good morning fellow citizens of Earth, the Solar System, Milky Way, The Universe. It’s official! I am no longer unemployed. Curiously enough, God humored me by giving me a job at the same shoe shop that my sister works at - different location of course. When I got the congratulations-you’ve-got-the-job phone call, I experienced this rather bizarre impression that fate had treated me as if I was the eight year old with strict parents repeatedly saying “No” and responding to my “Why?” with “Because I Said So”, until finally I was old enough and the “No” became a “Yes” and I was later enlightened on the real reason why it was a “No” to begin with. Does that make any sense at all? It seemed like the perfect analogy at the time. Simply put, all these past unsuccessful job applications just mounded into a brutal sign that was to ultimately lead me to Williams - The Shoe Man. I think it’s been made quite plain that fate cannot be escaped.

Moving along however, Mo’s back. He arrived on Monday, around midday. He bought me a new lens. Hoorah! Canon 50mm f1.8. Truly a fantastic all-rounder. It’s a fixed lens, so there’s this terrific mixed focus and cool DOF quality to the pictures. And it’s significantly faster too, might I add. Which is terrific. Low light photography has always been a drag, but it’s unquestionably easier to maintain focus now. Wow. That sounded terrificly phony.

While I’m on the subject, I might as well inform you that The Catcher In The Rye is my new favourite book. And terrific and phony are my new favourite words. Be prepared to read them lots here. I might as well give you a brief review of the book, since I did love it so much. It’s a rather short one, comparably, but then again, the events compile to only around two days of Holden’s life. That’s the main character. His name is Holden Caulfield. And he’s terrificly depressed and unintentionally, smashingly funny. He’s this sixteen-year-old boy who gets kicked out of this fancy boarding school for flunking and it’s set in the fifties and the way it’s written is fantastic! It’s great. And I found it really odd how the meanings of common words we use today, like “sexy” were so different back then. They were very literal back in the fifties. Anyway, the book is written in this crazy rambly manner where you feel like you’re speaking to this incredibly interesting and unique person you’ve just met. And he’s so earnest and reassuring, which makes him a really rather endearing character. It’s a very strange book. It’s about nothing and everything at the same time. It’s simultaneously eventful and plotless. A definite must-read.

Oh! I should also use this opportunity to wish Krystal a happy birthday. Now that I have a job (although I haven’t actually started working yet), I’ll finally be able to fund some awesome birthday gifts and make-up gifts for past birthdays that I was too broke to give gifts for and the ones to come. Yes, Camille, that includes a present for you. I’ll have to think long and hard about what it will be. Also, there will be working involved as money does not grow on trees.

I’m kind of excited about starting my new job. Although I’m more anxious about it. I have serious issues with that sort of thing. I’m a walking bloody contradiction. I’m not insecure about myself, but it seems I’m insecure about my skills or abilities or whatever. I hate insecure people. I’m not insecure. Apparently I’m indecisive though ..

Nooo. I’m not indecisive. I’m extremely decisive. I’m decisive. There. Decision made. I’m just a sucky people person. I’m irrationally anxious and nervous and I’m easily intimidated, though I’m not. I hear I’m intimidating, ironically. I do it on purpose too. So I can ward off people before they approach me and make me nervous. Nip the problem in the bud, see? I hate authority figures. I think that’s the intimidation factor for me. Though I’d say it’s more of a discomfort with the notion of not being on an equal playing field. Then again, I’m sure that’s essentially the definition of intimidation. I have my moments. But I’m definitely pretty anxious about starting the job. I have this ridiculous fear of messing up. Or maybe it’s just the fear of that involuntary phony apology train that zooms out of my mouth when I do mess up. I don’t know why I do it. It probably sounds corny, but I hear myself saying things and I’m simultaneously verbally abusing myself in my head because I sound like those insecure, unnecessarily over-apologetic losers that I can never really seem to understand.

Well! I’m getting wayyy too tangled in this disorderly web of incoherent thoughts I’ve just weaved. And it’s two thirty in the morning and I have a picnic to attend later, so I bid thee a jolly good night.

The Audition - Warm Me Up
Buggered

Today has been a total drag. Nothing ever goes the way I want, apart from the odd shoot and score of paper balls across the room. It’s been a long and unsuccessful day. First of all, I woke up to pee this morning and I busted my cat peeing next to the wall! To be honest, I was in no mood to yell or fuss about anything so I just cleaned it up and went back to bed. It was one of those furious on the inside sort of moments.

So later when I’d woken up, I was sitting at the computer around midday, enthusiastic about my current Photoshop project, when my sister comes in and suggests that we move her desk downstairs and throw out the space eating desk the computer is on to make room for the dining table that’s to be delivered later this week. So naively, I agreed. I figured we’d best do half the work now before the dining table gets here and it becomes a big job. It was a big job anyway, of course. I cleared the computer table and tidied the cables and junk, which took about an hour and a half on its own, and my sister cleared the desk in her room so we could bring it down. Then we moved the computer table into the garage, by which time I’d rediscovered my severe muscle power deficiency. It was a huge ass table.

Time passed, lots of breaking of sweat, yelling, and blame shifting happened, then all we had to do was bring down the desk, which provoked more passing time, breaking of sweat, yelling and blame shifting. I also came to discover an entirely new low level of muscle power. In my defense though, I don’t eat meat, which means I don’t get protein like everyone else, hence my severe muscle power deficiency. Back to the point. We attempted to bring the desk down, and in fact got as far as the third step on the staircase, at which point my hands decided that if I wasn’t going to put down this lump of wood this instant, they would just give way and I would be having to say goodbye to my toes. So I waved my figurative white flag and we retreated the desk to the hallway.

Basically, nothing worked out or was entirely finished. Seeing as the computer had been abandoned by all the tables but one, I was forced to set it up on the currently old and inconveniently octagonal dining table, which, yes, I am sitting at right now. And to add to the grief, reconnecting all the cables was an absolute bullet in the eye. I accidentally may or may not have unplugged one of the fans in the computer, so now it shall have to remain exposed and side-panel-less until my brother gets back from China in ten days (apparently), or until Farooq comes over and possibly solves the issue at hand. In addition, I also ruined the router connection, though I suspect it’s got less to do with the connection and more to do with the actual router, which does not seem to even be alive with lovely little pleasantly green or orange I’m-alive lights. Heck, I would even settle for a red light. But no. Nothing. It appears to have gone to router hell. Because that’s where all routers go when they die. That’s where they deserve to go. Anyway, I also thought I’d destroyed the sound, but then I reinstalled the Tone Port driver and listened to sweet sweet music.

Also, now it sucks because we’d be asking for cat wee flavoured furniture if we set up the new dining room before desexing the cats. Otta keeps spraying things coz she’s on heat and shiz. It’s incredibly annoying. And not only that, but she’s being all whiny and affectionate, which is precisely the reason why I don’t have a pet dog.